Today’s thankful: I wasn’t actually dying

It is common knowledge at this point that I don’t eat much processed food. Sometimes, though, an old hankering grabs hold of me and I give in. Today that hankering took the form of chipped beef gravy. We call it dried beef crazy, because Youngest couldn’t say dried beef gravy when she was small. Anyway, Eldest wanted dried beef crazy and after I made it for her, it smelled so delicious that I went ahead and grabbed myself a bowl. I have to admit, it was a tiny bowl of steamy heaven. For a few minutes. Then my body realized what I had done and began to protest. As I was in the powder room expelling the poison from my GI tract, I may have called out to a diety about the pain. Youngest, never one to miss a show, was standing outside the door. Upon hearing my wails, she did her best wicked Witch of the West impression and started wailing, “Oh, what a world, what a world!” Her support almost made the incident worth the pain.

Today’s thankful: My treadmill

Today was the first day of week three of the Couch to 5K program. I realized during the first few minutes of week one that I really hate it when my shorts ride up between my chubby thighs and get stuck there. It took me until today to figure out a fix for the problem. I didn’t wear shorts to run. I wouldn’t recommend running without shorts at the gym or out in the neighborhood, but it was great in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Today’s thankful: I woke up in the middle of the night and washed Tiny Person’s hair

I have had a rule in place for the past dozen or so years that there are only a few reasons to wake mommy. If one is bleeding, vomiting or otherwise in physical distress, they may wake me. I know this rule sounds harsh, but both Eldest and Middlest inherited their dad’s insomnia. They were fond, as little girls, to wake me to let me know they couldn’t sleep. I am a good sleeper, hence the rule. Over the years, they have awoken me on numerous occasions, all valid. So about a month ago, Eldest woke me up to let me know there was something that resembled paint in Youngest’s hair. When I didn’t respond with much more than a sleepy grunt, Eldest became more adamant that I get up. She has always been great at following the don’t wake mommy rule, so I paid attention to her second attempt. I am SO glad I did. I went into the bathroom to find Youngest with something that looked like lumpy paint with sparkles and some sort of grease in her hair. I tossed her into the tub and washed whatever it was out of her hair. She refused to say what the substance was for about four days. The incessant nagging by her sister finally forced the information out of her. She had mixed old nail polish, powder blush and hand lotion. I have no idea where she got the nail polish, but she has been banned from paint of any kind for a while.

Today’s thankful: It wasn’t an angry bird

I noticed my dryer has been taking two cycles to dry the clothes, which means the vent in the side of the house needs to be cleaned out. I went to the side of the house, stepped up on my air conditioning unit, and reached up to pluck what I expected to be wet lint from my vent. What happened instead is that a bird had built its nest in my vent and it was a BIRD that came flying out of my vent when I stuck my hand in there. I am very thankful that I didn’t fall off the air conditioner when it shot out, as it scared the snot out of me. More than that, though, I am extremely glad it wasn’t an angry, attack bird.

Today’s thankful: It was a substitute teacher

At the dinner table this evening, Youngest informed us that they had a substitute teacher today. During the spelling portion of the day, the students were to make up sentences using their spelling words. Then they were going over them in class. Youngest said, “I got to read my sentence with the word found. I wrote, ‘I found some poop.’ The whole class laughed. I didn’t get to do any more sentences.”

Today’s thankful: Back to school

Tiny person was home with me for nine straight days over spring break. ‘Nuf said?

Today’s thankful: I learned to dole out truth slowly

A few months ago, Youngest asked about the tooth fairy. Since she is getting close to seven years old, I decided to tell her the truth. She took the news very well. I toyed with telling her everything, but after my experience with Eldest, decided to let her ask about each magical being on her own. With Eldest, I thought it would be less painful to just get all the bad news over at once, so when she asked about the Easter Bunny, I told her about all of them. She yelled, “I only asked you about the Easter Bunny!”
So not terribly long ago I started taking Youngest’s innocence with the tooth fairy. Yesterday she asked me about Santa. I told her the truth, including the part about him being a symbol of the magic of giving to others. She took the news like a trooper, then went to her room and sobbed. She wouldn’t let me in for a while. It broke my heart. When she finally let me in, I assured her that nothing would change, since it had been me all along. That information lessened the sting a bit, thankfully.
About an hour after the Santa incident, Youngest came to me and said, “The Easter Bunny is real.” I asked if she was telling me or asking me. She said, “telling.” I asked why she thought he was real, and she informed me that the bunny brings jelly beans. I said, “Don’t they sell jelly beans in the store?” She informed me, with a DUH! sound in her voice, that the store is where he gets the jelly beans. I guess a girl can only handle so much truth at a time.

Today’s thankful: I don’t need to take a class -- again

Youngest was less than pleased with the food I presented to her highness for lunch. After the food battle over six bites of broccoli and homemade mac and cheese ensued. About an hour after she finished her last bite, she asked me if there was a class you could take to make sure you don’t kill anyone with your cooking. Well, there kind of is, but I have already taken and passed it. Instead of admitting to her that there is such a class, I opted instead to remind her that I haven’t managed to kill her with my cooking yet and don’t plan to start now.

Today’s thankful: New night

About a thousand years ago when I was dating, I happened upon an idea that stayed with me and I have since implemented with my family. This guy I was dating said something to the effect that every Wednesday night, his mom prepared something they had never eaten for dinner. I wondered aloud if he and his siblings didn’t try to avoid Wednesday night dinners at home. He informed me that, while there was the occasional stinker, most of the Wednesday meals were at least decent. Adding to the allure of attending new night was the understanding that if you were present, you could cast your vote as to whether the new food would become part of the regular family rotation. Absence at new night meant no voting rights. He told me that they made an effort to make it home on new night. I don’t have an overly adventurous palate, but new night appealed to my sense exploration and I held the idea until I had a family of my own. Alas, my family doesn’t like change much, so I had to tweak the idea a bit. In consideration of my family’s aversion to trying new foods, I have agreed to only make new things on Wednesday. Also, not every Wednesday is new night. Sometimes I let them bask in the comfort of foods they know. Last night was new night, though, and we got a good one. I am glad the concept of new night was introduced to me all that time ago and that I was able to keep it in my memory file.

Today’s thankful: Baby’s words didn’t get her in trouble

When I picked Youngest up from school yesterday, she started telling me how one of her friends (and I use the term loosely in the first grade) was playing with someone, then dumped that someone for Youngest. She then proceeded to dump Youngest and three other girls in succession as they approached her one at a time. Youngest was insulted that she had been dumped, but instead of using her usual approach to anger and nearly getting herself kicked out of school, she chose this time to use her words. She informed the young lady in question that she is a hypocrit, calling herself a friend and then acting like that. She then said to the friend, in a glorious string of using her words, “You are on my wall of shame.” I asked what happened then. Youngest informed me that the girl told on her. Then what happened? Nothing. Score one for using the right words and no fists.

Today’s thankful: I am not the one being tested

I received a letter today from Youngest’s school asking my permission to test her for the GT programs. As I glanced over the rating scale provided for me to complete, it occurred to me that I don’t have the slightest idea how Youngest compares to her peers. I don’t ever hang around six-year-old children unless forced to do so. It is true that I am an experienced mom, but she isn’t all that different than my first two kids. In short, I have exactly no clue how to rate my baby. It sure is a good thing for her that I am not the one being evaluated.

Today’s thankful: It did not, did not hit the trash

My title today is in honor of the fabulous Ted Geisel’s birthday. He is and has always been my favorite poet. Now, on to my little thankful. Last night as I was struggling to get Youngest to pack up her backpack after homework, Spouse intervened and told her to pack up and put her backpack where it belonged. She said, “It doesn’t have a special place.” Totally not true, but she tried. He responded with, “You had better go find it a special place then.” Because I know tiny person so well, I took off in hot pursuit as she headed out of our bedroom, through the family room and into the kitchen. She didn’t realize I was behind her, and when I said, “You had better not throw that in the trash.” She jumped like she had been shot, dropped the backpack, then grabbed it up and took it to her room. I just can’t hardly wait until she goes through her tweens.

Today’s thankful: None of the first graders are missing an ear

No, it is not a Van Gogh thing. That would be much better. Alas, this thankful centers on Youngest and her actions. Apparently, while in the cafeteria, one of the boys in her class suggested that Youngest might be a poop eater. Poor fool thought he had gotten away with teasing my girl. She waited until they were outside at recess. She then got close enough to grab hold of his ear and try to twist it off. When asked why she hurt her friend, she told the teacher she was mad. No mention of being called a poop eater. I got to discuss that one on the phone with the school. Yay me! I have been saying it from the moment she was born. Youngest is trying to kill me. I am very glad all she got was a stern talking to, but my real thankful is that young boy still has both of his ears attached to his head. Oh! To make the events of the day even more exciting, when Spouse took Youngest to the park to play, the boy was there and they played like best friends. I guess, in spite of the grown ups, justice was served and all returned to normal.

Today’s thankful: Baby’s blue eyes are fine

Youngest came out of her room and informed me that she couldn’t go to school because her right eye suddenly was unable to detect the color red. I pointed to a red object and asked her what color it was and she said, “white.” Then she said, “Oh, no! Now I can’t see green!” Again, I asked what color a green item was and she said, “white.” At that point, I told her that being color blind wouldn’t keep her out of school. Middlest informed her that one is born with color blindness and that it is more common in boys than girls. Youngest stuck like glue to her story. Then Middlest asked what color a pink item was and Youngest said, “pink.” Middlest informed her that pink is a shade of red and if she were really color blind to red, it was unlikely that she would be able to see pink either. At that point, realizing her story was dying a slow death from all the holes her sister had poked in it, rubbed her eye and said, “Hey! The colors are starting to come back into my eye!”

It is possible I should have gone with her color blind story, though. Today on the playground she tried to twist the ear off of a boy at recess because he made her mad. I guess I am thankful she didn’t accomplish that particular task.

Today's thankful: Dharma and Greg

Remember the sitcom Dharma and Greg starring Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson? It is in reruns on TV Guide channel. Since Eldest is a fan of Criminal Minds and Thomas Gibson, I introduced her to the show. Middlest quickly joined us, and now I get to happily share 30 minutes with my teens in the evening.

Today’s thankful: She didn’t say it in front of a minister

Youngest and I were in the car the other afternoon and she said, “I know why Christmas is called Christmas. Because Santa’s other name is Kris Kringle.” Really? Wow. So anyway, after a few mom questions, I figured out that she knew we celebrated Jesus’ birth at Christmas, but she had no idea that Jesus and Christ were the same dude. Perhaps I should add that particular curse to my vocabulary so she’ll know.

When I was about three, in Sunday school one day, we were being rowdy. The minister happened into the room and said, “Boys and girls, settle down. You are in the house of Jesus Christ.” While my mom watched, horrified, from behind the two-way mirror, I wrapped myself around the minister’s leg and kept shouting, “My mommy says bad words too!” To make it even better, my mom never used that curse phrase. It was one of my Catholic dad’s faves, though.

Today’s thankful: She didn’t mention chopping

Youngest always says that I am the one making her late for school in the morning, even though she is the one lying in bed not getting dressed. Her dad thinks it is pretty entertaining. A few days ago he asked her if mommy was making her late again. She responded in the affirmative. He then asked her what they should do with me. She said, “We could throw her in a dumpster.” He, of course, quashed that idea. I found myself not being upset about the dumpster, but really, really thankful that she didn’t suggest chopping me up before putting me in the dumpster.

Today's thankful: I'm pretty sure the kids are wrong

I won't lie. My brain has been wonky for the past three or four weeks. Of course, that period of time covers Christmas, an upper respiratory thing, sleep deprivation and returning from vacation to the work routine. My big girls keep suggesting the possibility that I have had a stroke and it did heavy damage to my brain. I am pretty sure they are wrong.

Today’s thankful: I survived chaperoning band kids for a week

I got back last week from a trip to California where I chaperoned band kids. We had an awesome week. There were many thankfuls, some bigger than others. Our itinerary was packed, and the time allotted for sleeping was usually under four hours. My thankfuls for the week, in no particular order:
We returned with the same number of children with which we left.
We didn’t lose any of the kids when the tour guide ditched us gave us free time in Los Angeles.
None of the children were caught in flagrante delicto.
There was breakfast meat most of the days.
Most of the puking was due to air sickness, anxiety or dehydration instead of a virus or booze.
Everyone seemed to have a great time.
Everywhere we went, adults commented on how well behaved and polite our kids were.
I got to share the teacup ride with my baby girl.
My roomies were awesome and didn’t smother me in my sleep for snoring.
Each and every one of the kids marched in full uniform in the parade. This means we managed to get 275 uniforms across the country without losing a shoe or glove.
All of the children who started the parade made it the full five miles in the heat.
Neither the sugar in the bed incident nor the toilet papering the room, nor the late night pizza delivery were my problems to deal with.